Always
by fourthofjuly1996
Summary: "From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. Dumbledore turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears." A story of friendship, love, sacrifice and grief- from beginning to end. Severus/Lily. "'After all this time? ' 'Always.'"
1. First Sight

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, don't you think I'd be out doing something more extravagant than typing a bad story on FanFiction? I only wish I owned it. Anyway, enjoy.**

Severus Snape was dragging his feet. He concentrated on the slight scuffing sound they made so he wouldn't have time to think about other things. Such as the one-sided screaming match going on inside his very own house right now. Severus knew how it would end; his mother would not be able to stop crying as his father yelled, she would accidentally make sparks or do some other minor thing and his father would hit her. And again…she would do nothing to stop it.

But he mustn't think of it. It would just make him angry.

The young boy began kicking a rock down the road, pretending that he and his family were perfectly normal. In Severus's imagination he wasn't a wizard and his mother was distinctly unmagical. Telling himself his parents were madly in love and he had an amazing childhood.

Lying to himself.

The thought infuriated him, and his pale face twisted. He kicked the rock fiercely and watched with satisfaction as it soared fifty feet before hitting the ground and tumbling out of sight.

The distance of the rock only served to make him more angry. It was magic. Magic was the thing that ruined his life.

Breathing heavily and slowly calming down, Severus veered sharply into the small alleyway leading to his favorite hiding place. The playground. It was perfect. There was almost always no one there. It was old and decrepit for the most part, so young children steered clear of it, and older kids preferred to chain smoke behind the elementary school or graffiti the skate parks. Here was one of the only places Severus could be alone.

He tried yet again to clear his mind of all thoughts as he ducked under the drooping trees and over the sagging fence. Eventually he rounded the bend which opened into the playground. Severus was just about to step out when he heard a yell.

"Tuney, Tuney! Look at this!" A girl's clear voice reached Severus's ears.

"Lily!", came another shrill voice. "What are you doing?"

Severus poked his head through the dying trees and gasped quietly at the scene before him. The playground was not deserted for once. There were two young girls on it, one looking slightly younger than Severus, one seemingly a couple years older. The elder, blond one sat on the ground near the slide a book in front of her. The younger one was on the teeter totter, red hair flying through the air like flames as she went up and down.

But it was not just the girls that made Severus so astonished by the scene. It was that the red-haired girl was alone on the teeter totter, bouncing high without even a push of her legs.

As Severus continued to watch in amazement, the girl let go of the handle in front of her and catapulted in a small but perfect arc to land just past the other end of the teeter totter as the blonde stared, her eyes full of a mixture of fury and sheer amazement.

The younger- Lily was it?- glanced up towards her sister and, by default, Severus. Her eyes were the first thing Severus noticed. They were a piercing, brilliant green, impossible not to look at.

"I'm sorry Petunia. But you didn't want to play. I was bored. I should have stayed with you." Lily did not seem to grasp that it was not the fact that she went to play was not the problem…it was the impossible feat she had just performed.

Petunia's eyes softened, but still retained some of their amazement. She spoke in a monotone voice. "No, Lily, it's okay. Mummy said I should play with you, and it was my fault that I didn't."

Lily lifted her head. "It's alright 'Tuney. I don't mind playing alone."

Petunia sighed and looked around to make sure no one had seen what had just happened. Her eyes skimmed straight of Severus's hiding spot, but with his black clothes and hair, failed to notice him. "How about we just sit here for a few minutes, okay Lily? I'll read to you."

Lily broke out into a wide grin and collapsed next to her sister to lean against her shoulder.

As Severus crept backwards through the path he heard traces of her voice, seeming as though they were coming straight from the trees, reading a poem he did not recognize. As the greasy-haired boy walked home, slowly this time, he thought of only two things.

Those brilliant, sparkling emerald eyes that had stared right at him (though he was sure she hadn't seen him).

And how magic now seemed like a wonderful thing.

**Sorry for how short it was. They'll get longer, promise. They always do...reviews keep the world going around. Well, not really. But they sure boost my self-confidence. Which makes for quicker chapters. Title suggestions are also welcome.**


	2. Caught

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, don't you think I'd be out doing something more extravagant than typing a bad story on FanFiction? I only wish I owned it. Anyway, enjoy.**

Severus walked through the path he now knew so well he felt he could navigate it with his eyes shut and backwards. He would not say, however, that he knew the way like the back of his hand. In fact, he quite hated the back of his long, pale hand and avoided looking at it as much as possible. The air smelled of rain, damp and leafy. Small, wet droplets clung to every branch and blade of grass, spattering Severus with water every so often. The air wasn't humid as it usually was after rain either, and the boy was freezing, blinking constantly so the chilly raindrops left his eyelashes and splashed against the pavement.

In other words, he was not a happy boy. Especially for someone who was about to see Lily Evans.

Lily. Despite the dampness, the mere thought or her made him lighter, warmer. Shoving all other thoughts except for the red flashes or hair and pools of green from his mind, Severus sped up. He had been spying on Lily and her sister for three weeks now, sometimes checking every hour. At first he hadn't dared to go on the playground at anytime in case they saw him and decided to go back home. But eventually he noticed they always came mid-morning, sometimes with toast in hand, and he chanced it before they arrived. Petunia would persuade Lily to read with her as often as possible, but Lily often got bored and wandered off to play by herself. Then she would inevitably do some sort of magic, which cased Petunia to sigh and drag her home for lunch. And Severus went without seeing Lily for a full twenty-three hours after that, the time made longer by the fact he had lately taken to staying awake nights.

Severus knew this routine at least as well as he knew the path. And despite how eerily creepy his obsession was becoming, he was most definitely _not_ in love with Lily Evans (even if he had strained his eyes frantically to see the last name inside of Petunia's book.).

No. It was not love. Most definitely. He barely knew the girl. And they were both nine years old. They barely knew what the word 'love' meant.

What it was then, was a deep curiosity. A longing of sorts. That was it. Severus craved any connection other than his parents to the magical world. Someone his age would e someone he could explain things to, become friends with- maybe then he wouldn't look like a total loser at Hogwarts.

But even more than, Lily looked like someone who would talk to him. From the little he knew about her, she was vivacious, curious, straightforward, thoughtful…she was someone who wouldn't care about his greasy hair, his pale skin, his skinny body. Lily would be a true friend.

Lost in his own thoughts, Severus ghosted silently over the dew-soaked grass. He squeezed between the sloping fences, balancing himself so he would not touch either of the sides. He slipped out at the same time he ducked down, his knees hitting the dirt with a dull thud. He slithered through the dirt, barely rustling the leaves of the bush as he slid under them. Severus had only traveled a few feet when he reached his area.

Dry and protected, with a small peephole at eyelevel when sitting, the clearing was barely big enough for Severus. Despite the fact that he had to crouch for an hour or more, Severus did it every day. It was a small price to pay to watch (and maybe gather the courage to meet) Lily Evans.

Severus only had to crouch for a minute before they showed up. Or at least one of them. Severus squinted. Lily was there -thank god- but Petunia wasn't. Lily was kicking rocks angrily, her mouth in a cute, comical, little-kid scowl.

"I'm ten. Double digits. But no one remembers that. They know Reverend Marshall's retiring. They had a party for _him_ last week." She was muttering fiercely, barely audible to Severus, who could only hear if he strained his ears. " And now Petunia won't even come to the park with me. Who cares if Mum needs help with the kitchen? I'm ten."

Severus felt sorry for her. Obviously, no one had ever forgotten her birthday, even though that was common in the Snape household. But at the same time his heart leapt. Lily was alone. No overprotective older sister, interfering with the creepy kid emerging from the bushes saying hello to her sister. This could be his chance to finally become friends with Lily Evans.

His face paled to an almost translucent white at the very thought. He had wanted to meet her for weeks. And now was his chance. But has he imagined it, it wasn't the awkward, polite meeting he had always imagined, a meeting which would eventually become friendship. The one in his head now involved Lily hating him, deciding who he was by his greasy hair and hooked nose and white skin. This one involved Lily not even bothering to discover his name, and walking off without looking back. This new vision involved Lily never coming back.

But he had to do it. If he didn't, he'd wonder "what if" until he got to Hogwarts. This was his chance to have a magical best friend before even getting to school.

Severus took a quick breath and glanced out the peephole. Lily was flying high on the swing without even pumping, her feet grazing the pebbles and sending them flying in every direction. Severus ducked just before one came flying through the bushes. His plan was to just double back to the fences and emerge, as though that was simply his shortcut to the playground. He would take the swing next to her and greet her. If a weird incident ever came up, he would act surprised and explain about magic. I was simple. Fool proof.

Severus quickly went back to the fences, and stood, ready to take a step out when he heard it. The thing that would ruin his chance.

"Lily! Come home! Mum needs your help with the kitchen." It was Petunia.

Severus froze, his head just poking above the bushes.

Lily glared at her sister. Severus distinctly heard her mumble under her breath, "Why should I help?" Petunia ignored that and simply gestured for her to come quickly.

As they walked out of the park, Lily trailing a bit behind, arms crossed, Severus could have sworn he saw her look back, straight at him. But then he blinked and she was facing forwards again, just as she was before.

The next day Severus was back. With some luck, Lily would still be mad and come to the park alone. Maybe he would be given his second chance.

But his hopefulness was shattered as Lily skipped into the park grinning. With Petunia following behind her, her nose in a book. He sighed. There went his second chance.

Lily took her usual spot on the middle swing as Petunia collapsed gracefully under the slide.

"I'm sorry I was mad at you yesterday, Tuney. I was just upset because I thought you forgot my birthday."

Petunia sighed. "It's alright Lily. You didn't know about the surprise party. I guess I'd be upset too."

Lily didn't respond and the sisters lapsed into silence. Lily was obviously against doing magic, fearing it would upset her sister more, but eventually Petunia joined her on the swings and she took that as her consent. She started pumping on the swing, moving higher and higher until Severus was sure she would go around the bar the next time she flew up. She giggled and Petunia looked up.

"No, Lily, don't!" she shrieked.

But Lily had already let go. She soared through the air, sill laughing, a blur of red hair and blue clothing. She made a perfect arc and landed softly, father than she could have normally gone. She was upright and grinning.

Petunia stopped her swings, her heels grinding against the ground. "Mummy said you weren't allowed, Lily!"

Lily giggled. "But I'm fine. Tuney, look at this. Watch what I can do." She was excited from the magic, Severus knew. Sometimes that even happened to him, and he knew it would probably affect a Muggleborn even more. She picked up a flower from the bush that Severus was just behind. She was so close he felt dizzy.

Petunia glanced around. She couldn't stop her sister, but she could at least make sure no one else was around to witness her oddity. She approached Lily, who was holding the flower in her closed hand. She peered at it and gasped quietly when her sister opened her fingers. The petals were opening and closing freakishly, like the flower was trying to breath.

"Stop it!" Petunia yelled.

Lily rolled her eyes, but threw the flower back to the ground. "It's not hurting you."

"It's not right." Petunia said, her lips pursed, her eyes fixed on the flower. "How do you do it?" she added, and Severus could have sworn there was longing in her voice.

Suddenly Severus's mind blanked out. He couldn't contain himself anymore. It was a combination of the lost opportunity yesterday and the idea that if he told Lily about Hogwarts her would be her hero. Regardless of what the consequences would be, he leaped out the bushes. "It's obvious, isn't it?" He took in the reaction of the girls. Petunia had run back to the swings in fright, but Lily had stood her ground, though obviously startled. "What's obvious?" she asked curiously.

What had he done? He cheeks flushed ever so slightly, but he knew he had to continue. "I know what you are."

"What do you mean?" she wondered.

Severus's voice lowered to a whisper. "You're…you're a witch."

Lily raised her eyebrows, offended. "_That's_ not a very nice thing to say to somebody." She retreated back to her sister in a huff, holding on to the pole of the swing set, her back to Severus.

"No!" he cried and ran awkwardly after her. He stopped in front of them, trying hard not to back down as they stared at him. "You _are_." he insisted. "You_ are_ a witch. I've been watching you for a while. But there's nothing wrong with that. My mum's one, and I'm a wizard."

Petunia laughed condescendingly. "Wizard!" she cried, finally recovered from her shock. "I know who_ you _are. You're that Snape boy. They live down Spinner's End by the river." she added, turning to Lily briefly. "Why have you been spying on us?"

"Haven't been spying." Severus replied uncomfortably. Overcome by a rush of anger towards Petunia, he added, "Wouldn't spy on _you_, anyway. _You're_ a Muggle."

Petunia set her jaw. She didn't know what the word meant, but it was obviously meant as an insult. She started walking out of the park. "Lily, come on. We're leaving." Lily followed her immediately, glaring venomously at Severus.

As soon as they were out of sight, Severus sank to the ground. It was ruined. He would never get to know Lily properly now. All his months of planning and watching…everything had gone wrong.

**Reviews keep the world going around. Well, not really. But they sure boost my self-confidence. Which makes for quicker chapters. Title suggestions are also welcome.**


	3. Looking Up

**Disclaimer: Definitely do not own Harry Potter. It's too amazing for me. I own this writing but that's about it.**

**Enjoy chapter three.**

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September rolled around once again. The rest of August had seemed to stretch on forever. Severus had not gone to visit Lily again, save one time when he couldn't bear it any longer. But he had traveled to the park, only to find it deserted.

But this September seemed even more hopeful than usual. Every year, on the first day of September, Severus would count down. Five years until Hogwarts, four, three, two...

Finally, it was his last year of school. Fifth grade. It would be Hogwarts next year. But Severus's happiness at only one more year of acting like a Muggle was tinged with just a hint of desperation. He and Lily Evans were in the same grade. This year was his final chance to befriend her, and it could go two ways; she would either avoid him like the plague, or her curiosity would prevail and his persistence would finally pay off.

On the second of September (the first being a Sunday), Severus slumped downstairs and found the usual tableau waiting for him; a bowl of cereal laid out, from his mother, and his father passed out in the middle of the floor. Severus puffed out a breath and lifted Tobias's head, kicking a pillow underneath it. He didn't feel like he owed anything to his father, but he would feel his guilt nagging him all day if he didn't do this one inconsequential thing.

Severus gulped down a quick bowl of cereal, and stepped up the stairs quietly, not wanting his father to wake up as he usually did- gruff, confused and angry.

He grabbed his discarded clothes from the floor (they were rarely washed- once every couple days, if he was lucky) and slipped them on. Every day he hoped the grays and blacks would help him either blend in or simply fade into the background, disappear altogether. It never happened.

Severus slid out the backdoor twenty minutes earlier than necessary. There were certain measures that had to be taken in order to avoid as much teasing as possible. For example, not taking the bus as his mother thought he did, instead cutting through the woods, and ending up behind the school. And leaving at 7:30, a whole hour and a bit before the bell, to avoid heckling in the halls. Unfortunately, that was pretty much all that could be done. He stayed in with the teacher when he could, and left later than everyone after school, but bullies always found him. If Lily were his friend, they wouldn't have to worry about that. They'd ignore everyone who was mean, and stay by themselves, choosing to be alone instead of forced to be.

Severus finished his walk as he usually did; thinking about Lily. He slipped in the back entrance of the school and turning to get to his classroom. He flopped into his seat, ignoring the teacher so she'd get the correct impression; he did not want to talk to anyone.

Severus abruptly realized that the teacher wasn't simply ignoring him; she was talking to another student. The only students that came this early were new. And who was new this year?

Severus jerked his head up quickly. Lily Evans.

She had her back to him, and he drank in her appearance furtively. Her hair had grown ever so slightly, and it tumbled down her back carelessly. She hadn't grown much; she was still short. She wore light and frayed jeans and a long black sweater. He kept the corner of his eye on her, and one ear, as he pretended to rifle through his desk.

"Well, Lily, you moved from Manchester, is that correct?" Lily nodded, her fiery hair bobbing as Mrs. Bel continued. "Well, here's your schedule, and this form is for your parents to fill it out. Come to me for any questions."

Lily nodded again. She was apparently quiet when her sister wasn't around, Severus observed. She turned and saw Severus. Her eyes widened ever so slightly, but other than that seemed unsurprised. She had obviously been prepared for this possibility. She was halfway into a seat halfway across the room from Severus when Mrs. Bel stopped her.

"Lily. You can sit with Severus. He's a model student. I'm sure he can help you out here. Maybe he could introduce you to his friends." Teachers were so clueless. Like Severus had friends.

A hard glint in her eyes that Severus could barely detect, Lily sat beside him, inching her desk ever so slightly away from him. Severus nodded at her before ignoring her pointedly and pulled out a _Tales of Beedle the Bard_ book, disguised as his math book. He felt Lily look away after a couple seconds and heard her pencil scratching on a piece of paper. Mrs. Bel appraised them for a second and turned back to her work, muttering something.

A few minutes of awkward silence passed before Lily threw a balled up piece of balled-up paper at him. His first thought was that she was just being petty and had wanted to throw something at him. He was about to toss it in the garbage when she whispered fiercely. "Read it, idiot."

_Temper, temper._ Severus smiled slightly and unfurled the note.

_Okay, whatever-your-name-is._

_We're obviously going to be spending a lot of time together, unfortunately for me. So I've decided to make whatever I can out of it. You seem to know a lot about me. And not just the stuff you could find out my stalking me and Petunia for a few months. You sounded like you knew how I did the stuff I do. And by now I'm kind of wondering. It happens more now. Mum and Dad don't know what it is, and they're too afraid to take me to a doctor. Petunia is kind of scared by now. I can tell. And if we have to spend time together, you're going to tell me what's wrong with me. And how to get rid of it. Or else I can guarantee you I'll be complete b-i-t-c-h _(Severus smiled when he saw how she had spelled it out. She was so innocent)_ the whole time._

_So here's what we do. We'll go outside at lunch. You introduce me to your friends, and then say Mrs. Bel made you show me around. We'll walk alone, and you tell me _everything_. Or else._

_-Lily_

Severus finished the note, grinning when he saw her 'i's dotted with stars, en lieu of hearts. He scribbled one word on the paper and signed his name so she would know it.

_Deal._

_-Severus_

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The rest of the day dragged on, the second hand on the clock ticking painfully slow. When the bell rang for lunch, Lily was already at the door, looking almost friendly- probably for Mrs. Bel's benefit. This was proved correct when the moment they stepped out the door, her expression changed to disdain. She rolled her eyes. "Alright stalker. Let's go." Great. Another person to call him names. Hopefully she wouldn't be doing that for long.

They were the last ones out. No one had approached Severus in the hall for some reason. Severus headed immediately to an empty area of the playground. At Lily's quizzical look, he explained. " I actually don't really have friends."

Lily looked as though she was wondering why, which Severus couldn't figure out. Sure, she was naive, but she already hated him- why was it so surprising he had no friends?

Severus stopped and slid down the wall, tilting his head up at the sun. Lily did the same for a moment before getting right down to business. "Now. Tell me what's wrong with me."

Severus sighed. No one ever hung out with him for fun. It was always to get something. "Well, I guess it's not wrong, exactly..."

The words poured out of him. He told Lily about Hogwarts, magic, the Ministry. He told her she'd be a witch for life, get a wand, mix potions. He explained everything, trying not to let her look of wonder and slight disbelief distract him. When he finally finished with five minutes of recess left, she took a minute to speak.

"I believe you." That was all she said.

They sat in silence until the bell, but when they went inside for lunch, Lily tugged her desk over to Severus's. She pulled out her peanut butter sandwich and munched on it silently, before noticing Severus didn't have a lunch. She ripped it in half and handed him the bigger side.

"Here. You can have half of mine, Sev. I'm not too hungry."

Severus turned her words over in his mind, focusing on what she had called him. _Sev._ A nickname.

He accepted the half-sandwich and let a grin spread across his face. "Thanks."

Maybe there was hope after all.

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**Okay. So that's chapter three. Things are looking up for Severus and Lily. Please tell me what you thought in a review. I completely accept flames, so I get more use out of CC. But guys. Over 50 hits...the only review come from people I know. I'd really appreciate it. And I'd appreciate title suggestions even more.**


	4. Setback

**Sorry it took me this long. School's starting to get more...school-ish. I hope you like it though. The dialogue is from the book in this one, but the next one will be completely original.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Wish I did. May have to go to therapy to deal with the depression. **

**I give you...chapter four.**

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"Tell me more."

That was Lily's constant refrain whenever she and Severus were alone together. Because of this, despite the fact she had told him he was nice after all, he still felt as though he were being used. Though this irked him, he didn't mind too much, because he still got to spend lots of time with Lily.

He sighed. "I've told you most of it Lily. There's only so much even I know, because of my dad."

She stared at him, stubborn. "Most of it? I want to know all of it, Sev. All that you know."

He rolled his eyes at her barely, suppressing a grin. This was always what she said. Since the first day of school, they had spent lunch together and every day after school was spent in the leafy woods near Severus's house. It had been a few days of this now, almost an hour each time, and he had surprisingly never run out of things to tell her, or retell her. Of course, they hadn't just talked about magic. She had told him about her family...and he had told her about the arguing.

"Well, there's Hogwarts, which you know about. That's where witches and wizards go in Britain, but sometimes they're taught at home. That's the only place where it's safe to do magic, and the Ministry can punish you if you do magic outside school, you get letters."

No matter how many times he told her this, she was never convinced she couldn't get in trouble. This time was no different. "But I _have_ done magic outside school!"

Severus explained patiently. "We're all right. We haven't got wands yet. They let you off when you're a kid and you can't help it." He nodded to show her he knew what he was talking about. "But once you're eleven and they start training you, _then_ you've got to be careful.

Lily didn't reply, and Severus stared at her in silence, knowing better than to interrupt her thoughts. She idly picked up a stick, and her imaginings were so vivid to him, he could almost see the sparks trailing from it herself. Suddenly, her eyes clouded over and she leaned towards Severus, anxious. "It _is_ real, isn't it? It's not a joke? Petunia says you're lying to me. Petunia says there isn't a Hogwarts. It _is_ real, isn't it?"

Severus understood her worry. Magic was so amazing, and it was so exhilarating to know you were going to a _school_ that taught magic. It was difficult to think of it being just a farce. He soothed her. "It is for us. Not for her. But we'll get the letter, you and me."

Lily's eyes filled with hope. She had obviously been brooding about what Petunia had said for some time. "Really?" She said softly.

Severus grinned up at her from his sprawled position on the ground, exuding certainty. "Definitely."

She maintained her whisper, but her voice was so full of dreams, Severus thought he'd be able to hear it from anywhere on the planet. "And will it really come by owl?"

"Normally. But you're a Muggle-born, so someone from the school will have to come and explain to your parents."

The moment he had said the word 'Muggle-born' he could see in her eyes she already had another question.

"Does is make a difference being Muggle-born?"

Her voice was so full of innocence and sweetness, he couldn't bring himself to tell her that to some it would, that he had been raised calling Muggle-borns by the name 'Mudblood'. "No." Even if it was for her own good, it hurt to lie to her. "It doesn't make a difference."

The lying was worth it. Her shoulders relaxed and she graced him with a small smile. "Good."

Hope for another smile, he reassured her further. "You've got loads of magic. I saw that. All the time I was watching you..."

She had stopped listening. Severus didn't take it as an insult; daydreaming was simply part of Lily's nature. He was content to watch her as she stared through the trees, her eyes searching for the sky.

"How are things at your house?" Her voice was lazy almost, but still full of concern.

His brow furrowed. He didn't like the way this was going. "Fine."

"They're not arguing?"

"Oh yes. They're arguing." He ripped a leaf fiercely with his fingers. Why did she always bring this up? "But it won't be that long and I'll be gone." Gone. Hogwarts. He had two good things in his life right now; the prospect of going to Hogwarts, and Lily.

"Doesn't your dad like magic much?"

She wouldn't stop, would she? He continued ripping up leaves to keep his temper controlled. "He doesn't like anything much."

"Severus?"

He stopped ripping up leaves. The sound of his name coming out of her mouth helped his temper too. "Yeah?"

"Tell me about the Dementors again."

She always wanted to know about the Dementors. Severus didn't know why. He hated talking about them. "What d'you want to know about them for?"

"If I use magic outside school-"

He almost laughed her answer. She was so worried. "They wouldn't give you to the Dementors for that! Dementors are for people who do really bad stuff. They guard the wizard prison. Azkaban. You're not going to end up in Azkaban, you're too-"

He broke off, and he could feel his face turn red. What was he going to say? Pretty? Smart? Amazing?

Perfect?

He shredded more leaves.

A sharp crack came from the wooded area behind him. He didn't really hear it; he was too busy turning red. Then Lily looked up and smiled. Severus smiled back but froze when he heard what she said. "Tuney!" She had grown more comfortable calling her Tuney rather than Petunia around Severus.

White hot anger flashed through his mind. He didn't want her here. Severus jumped up and whirled around, already shouting before she even came into his view. "Who's spying now? What d'_you_ want?"

He saw Lily's shocked face out of the corner of his eyes, but it didn't matter. He was enjoying watch Petunia flounder. She couldn't think of a good comeback. At first anyway. "What is that you're wearing anyway? Your mum's blouse?"

His mind went blank. Didn't he get enough of this teasing at school? He was vaguely aware of a loud snap, and the next thing he knew, Petunia was running away crying, Lily shouting after her. He had a small moment of satisfaction that Petunia was hurt before Lily turned to him, anger he had never seen before in her eyes, her face, her whole body. "Did you make that happen?" She had never spoken in a fiercer voice.

Had he done that? Done what? His eyes jumped to a branch where Petunia had been standing. Had it fallen on her? Had he made it fall on her? He knew he couldn't control his magic, but he had never blanked out like that before. He told Lily what he thought. "No."

"You did!" Though she didn't actually touch him, she managed to push herself away. They were two magnets with the same polarities, repelling one another. "You _did_! Your hurt her."

He could see she was about to leave him again. He spoke desperately. "No- no I didn't!"

She glared at him with more anger than he had ever known and ran off, the green forest enveloping her.

Watching the final leaves stop rustling, Severus whispered in her direction.

"I didn't. I promise."

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**Hope you liked it. Please R&R. I appreciate comments a lot.**

**~Lindsay**


	5. Honesty

**Hello. I'm sorry I took so long to update. I'll say more at the bottom. Enjoy chapter 5!**

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Severus was at school early again. Morning and night- those were his times where he could convince himself for whole seconds at a time that he was better off without her. He had tried saying sorry, but she ignored him. He had eventually given up. It had been the whole school year. After a while, she had been civil, his only clue that maybe (possibly?) she missed him too. But the more time that passed, the less likely that seemed.

_She chose her Muggle-born sister over you. She's just a dumb girl. Just a muggle-born_, he told himself, even though the fact that he called her a muggle-born instead of a Mudblood was enough to indicate that she would never be 'just' anything to him. _You'll have better friends at Hogwarts, pure-blooded friends even. She shouldn't mean so much to you- she's a witch. So what? A lot of other people are too._

Then her face would drift into his head, eyes off in the distance, focused on something that was only real to her- and all his efforts would be lost.

Truth be told, he had no idea why Lily Evans had suddenly come into his life and turned everything upside down. She was pretty, he supposed, and nice and funny and his one connection to the world of magic- but in three months he would be _part of_ the world of magic. He didn't have a crush on her- or he didn't think so anyway. He didn't have any previous experiences (in friendship or crushes) to base that on. She was nice to him though, and he liked spending time with her. Was she really anything special though?

_Yes._ To him, she always would be.

He was in the middle of telling himself, yet again, that she didn't matter, when she slid into the seat beside him. He didn't look up, but she could tell from the stony silence and the red that lingered in the corner of his eye. He clenched his teeth. She probably just had nowhere else to sit.

She sighed and a new idea took root in Severus's mind. Or maybe...just maybe, it had something to do with the way his mother had oh-so-casually removed the mail from the breakfast table and tucked it behind some books this morning. Hogwarts. Muggle-borns always received news about Hogwarts early to prepare them. Maybe the letter had been dropped off while they were in the area?

"Some Gailyworth lady came to my house last night." she muttered tensely. The Charms Professor at Hogwarts. He had been right.

Severus glanced up, surprised. She was actually initiating a conversation. He took a deep breath. It would be just like him to ruin it again. Should he apologize before saying anything? She was curious about magic though. Maybe he should say something about his letter so she would ask a question. "I think I got my letter. Mum hid the mail this morning."

She didn't reply. Severus had known he wouldn't get off that easily, even with her curiosity. "Lily...I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your sister, honest. It was an accident. But it shouldn't have happened anyway."

She set her jaw and gazed up at the clock. Only two minutes until the bell. It looked like she regretted talking to him. "No. It shouldn't have."

He stared at her. He had apologized. But it wasn't good enough for her of course. He wasn't good enough for her. He mumbled another apology as he turned dejectedly away, having already given up. "I just lost control. I know I shouldn't have. Sorry..." He trailed of into incoherence at the end.

He had turned back to his book and was doodling absentmindedly when she spoke in his ear. He jumped, as he hadn't really been expecting her to ever speak to him again. "I guess it's okay. I did something bad last night too...I already forgave you before school this morning."

Severus looked up at Lily, his shocked expression spreading slowly into a slight smile, his eyes hopeful. She smirked back just as the bell rang and the teacher strode to the board.

* * *

With barely weeks to go before the freedom of summer (and, in Severus and Lily's case, Hogwarts), the playground was loud, two hundred kids practicing for their months of running around unchecked. Even Lily seemed a bit giddy, despite trying to stay slightly frosty towards Severus.

They sat at a secluded picnic table near a patch of long, wilting grass, Lily trying to eat her peanut butter sandwich and hide it at the same time (peanuts were banned because of allergies, but Lily felt her and her love of peanut butter were exempt), Severus wondering what Lily had done last night to make her forgive him so unexpectedly. He'd let her talk when she was ready he supposed.

Lily finished her sandwich and buried the crusts in a bag. She looked up. "So. Severus." she said, staring straight at the swings. She called him Severus, he noted with a pang. Not Sev. "I guess you're wondering why I forgave you."

He nodded slightly, tilting his pale face up to look at the robin flying overhead. He hadn't expected her to tell him so soon, but then again, Lily hated awkwardness with a burning passion. Or maybe she just wasn't mad anymore. _No_, Severus decided, _she just really hates awkwardness._

"Well. After Professor Gailyworth left, my parents kind of...fawned for a little while." Severus nodded. Lily hadn't told them about magic for fear they would either disapprove or be overexcited. She continued, leaving him to fill in the blanks of the rest. "Petunia was annoyed. Angry actually. She's always the center of attention and I think she was jealous. So after Mom and Dad went to bed, she started yelling at me in our room, about how I was a freak and Hogwarts was really a mental institution..."

Her eyebrows knit together distractedly. She valued her sister's opinion above all else. She flicked her eyes- Severus couldn't help noticing they matched the stems of the leaves perfectly- so they met his for a brief second. She looked guilty and spoke in a rush. "I-pushed-her-into-a-closet-and-made-the-doors-lock."

Severus just blinked. He couldn't have heard that right. He didn't doubt she was capable, but this was Petunia. Lily's _idol. _

She talked slowly this time, but so quiet he had to lean forward to hear. "I pushed her into our closet... and made the doors lock."

He barely held back a laugh, but he knew that would make her mad all over again "Uh. Wow." He saw her expression and added, more softly, "I know you didn't mean to. You're too nice."

She looked up at him and he saw the trace of the smile he had missed. "But...I did mean too. I didn't have a clear head, I wasn't thinking rationally. But I deliberately shoved her and made the doors lock." A little innocent giggle slipped out from her lips.

He bit his lip. Was he allowed to laugh with her yet? He was so careful around her now, when just months ago she was his confidante. He wanted to be honest with her, and his first lie (to Lily and himself) was that day in the clearing. "Honestly? I kind of meant to make the branch fall. I was just angry at her." There. He had done his best to fix his lie. He swore he never would be dishonest with Lily again. But would she get mad all over again. He crossed his fingers discreetly.

She just nudged him. "I don't blame you. I missed you." He was just revelling in the fact she had missed him when her face turned severe. "Just don't do it again.

His face was solemn as he stuck out his hand. "Deal."

And they shook on it.

* * *

**I know it's been almost a year. And I'm sorry. But life caught up with me and I just didn't feel like writing. I know that's a pitiful excuse compared to the ones who have gotten into car accidents and broke both arms or the large number of authors who tragically lost all their fingers except their left thumg to a malfunctioning blender. But I promise you can at least expect monthly updates. Key word: Expect. Doesn't mean I'll deliver. But I'll try. ;)**

**Also, I'm sorry for the length of this chapter. I was going to make it longer but I thought that was an alright ending and with how tiredI am, if I went on it would just get worse and worse. Hopefully they'll get longer from here. Love you guys who have stuck with me, especially Erin, who somehow managed to encourage me enough that I at least updated. 3**

**~Lindsay**


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